Artificially Sweetened

Some of the better search strings through which people have found this blog. And my snarky responses.

The “Go Back to School” Awards

• a sad song about a kids abused - I don’t know why you were looking for this, but you might have more luck if you corrected your grammar.
• how long does a female butterfly stay pregnant? - I think butterflies lay eggs. See mammals vs. insects for more help.
• Name of the month of Winter holidays - December.
• how i gone spend my winter holidays - I don’t know.

The “I’m So Sorry” Awards

• my retainer keeps giving me sores
• i ate too much carp

The “Smell Me” Awards

• why does insulin smell like band aids
• diabetes smells like alcohol
• diabetics smell sweet
• stella smells diabetic

The “I Can’t Even Begin to Imagine” Awards

• fat baby’s pride BBQ
• automatic transmission sweet juice
• “Lichen Planus” vegan - huh?
• police trouble wearing diapers diaper plastic
• picture penis elephantitis - ewwwwwww
• martial arts dojo boobs - This one’s for Jen, Cait, and Mel
• picture of a biscuit penis - ??????

The “This Blog Will Not Give You Satisfaction” Awards

• britney spears forgets her underwear - ugh, ugh, ugh.
• britney spears tax returns - Not here, sorry.
• Groundhog ailments - The only ailment my groundhogs had was inhabiting my yard. And I cured that.
• “donor insemination” OR “donor sperm” depression - Your question exactly?
• ban diabetes marriage - Of course. Because there are no greater problems in the world than diabetics getting married.
  
• farting after frozen embryo

The “Did You Really Need to Ask The Internet?” Awards

• do I need bra under wedding dress? - Well, what kind of dress is it?
• Are Friday weddings tacky? - Do I look like Emily Post?
• “I want to have a child with you” - Perhaps we can go out for coffee first?
• what holiday gift can I give my jewish boss - I’d recommend a giant light-up creche myself.
• should there be carpet in nurse’s office - Damned if I know.
• its good to chew gum when playing basketball - Is this a question or a statement?
• what does a pili look like?

And.. the “I Totally Agree” Award

• oh he’s a gorgeous little boy