2007 April « Artificially Sweetened

Photo Someday: My Spring

… Or, why you don’t want to move to Upstate NY.

I kept holding out, hoping I’d be able to come up with some nice Spring photos. But Sunday found me outside, in my winter coat, vacuuming out the mouse droppings from the frame of our old garden lattice, which was peeling and disgusting. In the snow.

This seems to be a trend for me.

On the irony front: After I took all of your wise counsel and accepted that Pili ought to stay on with the Boy, she took a good hard look at her schedule… and decided that she ought to come back with me.

Decisions I wish I didn’t have to make

April 7, 2007 at 11:08 pm | In PiliPiliPili | 21 Comments

We have been going back and forth about the question I am about to pose to you, to the point, where Pili said: Why don’t you ask the blogosphere?

Pili, being of the academic persuasion, is done with classes mid-may. The rest of us are not so lucky…

However, I will receive my masters degree in advanced studies in being underpaid in late May. As a graduation present to myself/something to look forward to since GAL STILL HASN’T MANAGED TO FIND OUT IF WE ARE ACTUALLY IN PGN(!), I proposed that we go down and visit the Boy again. We can’t really afford it, but I’m hoping my family may chip in some graduation cash as well…

Pili suggested that since she will be done with classes and footloose and fancyfree, perhaps she could stay on a few days longer.

I wish I could just say “of course sweetie!”

It will cost more money, and that’s the practical reason not to. In the grand scheme of things though, the amount of additional money it will cost is not that much, and it would give him more time with Pili, more one-on-one attention…

But the real reason I can’t just say yes is the way I know I’ll feel at the thought of leaving him and her, making that long ride back to Guatemala City, enduring a day on a plane and coming home to an empty house. Sitting next to some stranger on the plane, who won’t want to spend hours mooning over the photos on the camera and remembering the smiles and stinky diaper surprises. I feel so lonely and sad just thinking about it. I can’t imagine living it.

But I feel so petty and juvenile denying Pili - and him - a few more days together because I can’t handle going back by myself.

So… what would you do?

This just sucks. And it just pisses me off that Gal can send all kinds of emails about what the agency needs and how we can help… but she can’t pin the attorney down to find out when/if we were submitted to PGN.

I highly recommend…

April 4, 2007 at 10:34 pm | In AdoptThis! | 3 Comments

This public radio series on international adoption. It talks about the rewards, the challenges, and the tough tough ethical questions with which we wrestle.

Also, for Thalia and others who asked, the haggadah I mentioned can be found here(opens acrobat reader window). The consensus at our seder was that it was a nice mix of provocation and tradition, although we might stick in a few pages from the old family haggadah next year just for the fun of the rabbinic hair-splitting: how can one show that following the ten plagues in Egypt itself the Egyptians were smitten with fifty plagues at the Red Sea? … well, if one finger of God in Egypt caused ten plagues, we may assume from this that the whole hand of God at the Red Sea caused fifty plagues. And so on.

And next year may there be (at least) one more at the table

April 3, 2007 at 9:58 am | In AdoptThis! | 20 Comments

That’s my Passover wish for all of us out there who are adopting/ttcing.

When I was studying abroad in Germany, I went to a seder led by a lubavitcher rebbe (I didn’t know that this would be the case when I went to it!) Aside from the fact that we didn’t start eating until midnight, because he spoke only English and everything had to be translated into German and Russian, I was also taken aback by the way he interpreted the story of the Exodus as a story about chosenness. I had never heard the Passover story interpreted that way, and it enraged me.

In my family seders and in the ones that I’ve had with family and friends since setting out as an adult, I choose to focus more on images of justice and freedom from bondage. We spill a drop of wine and take away from our joy to mark the fact that our liberation meant the suffering of the Egyptians.

This year this story rings even more true for me. I think of Moses’ mother, Yocheved, watching her child be raised by Pharoah’s daughter, knowing that by giving up her child, she saved his life - and lost the chance to live as his mother.

In the section about the plagues, the haggadah that we are using this year says:
“Help us to dream new paths to freedom, so that the next sea-opening is not also a drowning; so that our singing is never again their wailing. So that our freedom leaves no one orphaned, childless, gasping for air.”

To which I (& Guatebaby) say amen.

Wishing you and yours a very sweet and peaceful Pesach.

Cinco Meses

April 1, 2007 at 10:00 pm | In AdoptThis! | 14 Comments

Our little boy is five months old today. Happy day, sweet boy!

I have missing him fits in the strangest places. Today in the supermarket, I saw a starter pack of g-diapers (anyone tried them? please report!) in the organic section, and I just yearned to be able to buy them for him, without worrying that it’s a stupid purchase.

I try to tell myself that if we had adopted from many other places, we wouldn’t even know our baby (g-d willing. knock knock wood) at this point.

But I see other people from our agency bringing their babies home at six months - and I feel this fierce sting of jealousy at the same time as I’m happy for them. Why them and not us? Why are we just now in PGN (maybe - GAL has still not positively confirmed this) and they are bringing their babies home?

I think envy is one of my worst faults for sure.

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