Artificially Sweetened

It is 4 am and I am awake looking at consumer reports for air conditioners because it is hot and I cannot sleep.  

That’s all. And why isn’t anyone playing scrabulous at 4 am? 

Before you get too excited, I:

1. Spent $180 dollars at diapers.com for 2 cases of diapers, 2 cases of wipes, and some frou-frou organic baby shampoo. Damn daycare - why do they have to change the babies so often?

[I'm a whore cheap. If you get baby stuff from them for the first time, and you use my referral code, you get $5 off and I get a credit towards my next order. It's MASH5183, in case you're interested]

2. Registered at the last minute for my high school reunion, despite my failure to lose 20 pounds beforehand. I’m feeling a little queasy right now…

3. Lost my facebook virginity. I may very well have been the last remaining person on earth in my age and  socioeconomic bracket who was not signed up on facebook.  Like I needed another way to waste time online.

I told you it was boring.

I saw this at Dawn’s and think I dislocated a rib laughing.

The creator of this cartoon may get a dozen long-stemmed roses from Pili.

From xkcd.

I have this Thing.

The longer I postpone doing something the harder it is to do it. I think “I should have done that last time I thought about it and what the hell is wrong with me and…” and then (at least this is what my Much Beloved Therapist and I concluded) I associate shame with that task, whatever it may be, and so I “forget” to do it and then the next time I remember it’s even harder to overcome the shame and actually do it.  So then when I think “oh crap I meant to do x y or z” I feel even worse, and am even more likely not to do it. Some of the areas of my life where this has impacted me include:

• returning phone calls & emails
• writing my m.a. thesis
• taking insulin (shit, I was going to take my shot after dinner and I forgot and I should do it now, but look at the floor and how dirty it is…)
• returning library books (this one has cost me $$$)
• filling prescriptions & making doctors appts
• and now… blogging

I suppose I could blame my silence over the past few weeks on busy-ness, which is true, but never stopped me before, or on all of you who were doing nowblowme nablopomo and kept me hopping just to keep up the comments, which I didn’t (more shame) or any number of things, but the truth is, I have whipped myself up past cream into butter. The more days go by, the better the comeback post has to be and the harder it is to sit down and write it. How can I just write about baby food or do a meme when I haven’t written in weeks?

So finally I am blogging about the shame in the hope that doing so will free me up to write about second parent adoption (anticlimax galore, pictures on flickr) and babyfood (please tell me that my child is not the only 13 month old who would rather eat stage 3 purees than finger foods) and meeting bloggers (who I am too lazy to link to) and sick cats and the trainwreck that is my immune system (any other diabeters with lichen planus out there?) and shout outs to bloggers with good news and crappy news and…

And please don’t tell me not to feel ashamed: because then I just feel more ashamed for being ashamed.

I may do a few password protected posts in the near future… adoption related stuff (nothing to worry about, just wanting to whine and feeling the need to do it a little more privately).  If you’d like the password, email me at artsweets AT gmail DOT com or leave a comment on this post that includes your email address (it will only be visible to my eyes).  If you haven’t commented before, or I don’t know you in real life, please tell me a little bit about yourself so that I feel comfortable spilling my guts to you!

Look at my pretty new header! Thank you Beth, it’s beeeeee-u-tiful!

Also, I have a new post up at lesbian family. More navel gazing about raising a son…

I rolled my eyes (okay, I rolled my eyes A LOT) when the restaurant reviewer for our local newspaper panned the one really good Chinese place in town, complaining that the food was too spicy and the owner offered too many suggestions.

I rolled my eyes even more when she gave a very positive review to the “authentic” Italian cuisine at 0live garden.

And then in the front page article of today’s food section the editor offers some helpful tips on recipe substitutions.

As a substitute for one whole egg, use two egg yolks and one tbs. cold water. Um, if I don’t have a whole egg, do you really think I’m likely to have two egg yolks sitting around the fridge? No maple syrup? Use corn syrup + maple flavoring. Why of course! Maple flavoring - the essential basic everyone has in their spice cabinet.

Finally, in the “you must really think your readers are idiots” category: Did you ever imagine that you could substitute boiling water and bouillion cubes for broth? A stick of margerine for a stick of butter? An equal amount of unsalted butter and a pinch of salt for salted butter?

Despite the tone of this post, I don’t really bite (Really. Those were lovenips.) So… since it’s national delurking week… won’t you leave me a note and tell me what brought you here?

My first post is up at lesbianfamily.org.

And tomorrow is MY LAST DAY at the Job that Blows. It should be interesting.

That’s all.

Welcome to my new online home. I moved over to wordpress because I wanted to add categories, and possibly down the road to password protect things.  And also because bloggerbeta drives me nuts.  I’m still playing with themes, so this site might look different next time you stop in.

Since it’s almost 2007 (ack!) I thought I would inaugurate the new site with a look back over the past eleven months of blogging, via a meme that everyone else has already done… the first sentence of each month.  I added my favorite photo from each month, just to be an overachiever. The photos don’t have any relationship to the quotes though.

February: One more voice on the blog-wagon: why should I do it?
Photo: The red shoes.

March: I know from looking at my sitemeter that most of the people who get here are coming via the awesome and all powerful diabetes OC.
Photo: Cuddling Cats

April: For Felix, who commented on my Pet Peeves post:
Photo: Self portrait with daffodils. Although this was pretty significant to us, if short-lived.

May: I had a pretty good weekend. My presentation at the main conference in my field went well. I did not tell everyone I knew at the conference that my wife is five weeks pregnant, although it was very tempting.
Photo: Fertility Shrine

June: Today is blogging for LGBT families day.
Photo: Meet Smokey!

July: A little the worse for wear, but back nonetheless. A warning to the squeamish and to my phobic friends, bodily fluids mentioned below.
Photo: Pili & S.

August: I apologize for leaving that worrisome headline up there for so long.
Photo: Veggie P@rn

September: Just when I was getting ready to go downtown and stage a sit-in at the door of the World’s Slowest Social Worker, aka Mrs. Vaseline Teeth, for not returning our phone calls… what should arrive in the mail yesterday?
Photo: Morning Mist

October: I was inspired out of my blogblahs by Dana’s recent post about forgetting to take her insulin with her.
Photo: Cat & Dossier

November: New Reading Material for the RE’s waiting room?
Photo: Guatebaby

December: I haven’t participated in the Perfect Post awards before, but I saw a button on someone’s blog for them, on the same day that I read this post.
Photo: Holding Hands

Looking back like this reminds me what a crazy, painful and change-filled year it’s been.  I remember when we moved to Small City thinking, I will never do anything this big again (quitting my job to move across the country with Pili, to a city where we knew no one and I had no job prospects).  This year has been so much more tumultuous than that one.  And next year promises yet more change - a new job, the prospect of another possible move, and hopefully, somewhere in there - AFTER THREE YEARS of trying and hoping - a baby, just maybe?

Some of the better search strings through which people have found this blog. And my snarky responses.

The “Go Back to School” Awards

• a sad song about a kids abused - I don’t know why you were looking for this, but you might have more luck if you corrected your grammar.
• how long does a female butterfly stay pregnant? - I think butterflies lay eggs. See mammals vs. insects for more help.
• Name of the month of Winter holidays - December.
• how i gone spend my winter holidays - I don’t know.

The “I’m So Sorry” Awards

• my retainer keeps giving me sores
• i ate too much carp

The “Smell Me” Awards

• why does insulin smell like band aids
• diabetes smells like alcohol
• diabetics smell sweet
• stella smells diabetic

The “I Can’t Even Begin to Imagine” Awards

• fat baby’s pride BBQ
• automatic transmission sweet juice
• “Lichen Planus” vegan - huh?
• police trouble wearing diapers diaper plastic
• picture penis elephantitis - ewwwwwww
• martial arts dojo boobs - This one’s for Jen, Cait, and Mel
• picture of a biscuit penis - ??????

The “This Blog Will Not Give You Satisfaction” Awards

• britney spears forgets her underwear - ugh, ugh, ugh.
• britney spears tax returns - Not here, sorry.
• Groundhog ailments - The only ailment my groundhogs had was inhabiting my yard. And I cured that.
• “donor insemination” OR “donor sperm” depression - Your question exactly?
• ban diabetes marriage - Of course. Because there are no greater problems in the world than diabetics getting married.
  
• farting after frozen embryo

The “Did You Really Need to Ask The Internet?” Awards

• do I need bra under wedding dress? - Well, what kind of dress is it?
• Are Friday weddings tacky? - Do I look like Emily Post?
• “I want to have a child with you” - Perhaps we can go out for coffee first?
• what holiday gift can I give my jewish boss - I’d recommend a giant light-up creche myself.
• should there be carpet in nurse’s office - Damned if I know.
• its good to chew gum when playing basketball - Is this a question or a statement?
• what does a pili look like?

And.. the “I Totally Agree” Award

• oh he’s a gorgeous little boy