Artificially Sweetened

Part I:

I sneezed at work this morning. With a mouthful of coffee. Which came out my nose (ow). All over my (personal) laptop.

First the keyboard stopped working, then the whole thing started making an ominous beeping noise.

It’s at the computer doctor now. I told him about the coffee, but not about the nose part.

Part II:

Memo to self: Your almost 16-month old son does not have the manual dexterity to feed himself spaghetti in red sauce. He will get very frustrated, resulting in spaghetti and sauce all over you and all over the kitchen. It’s three hours later and I still haven’t mustered the energy to clean up the kitchen, which looks like the set of a slasher movie.

I am taking P’ito to an event. 

I need to dress him up as a late 19th century baby.  This basically means a long, simple, white cotton dress - similar to what might be used as a christening dress today.  I’m trying really hard not to spend money on this.

Examples here or here or here.

If anyone out there in blogland has such a thing that I can borrow - i.e. will do my best to keep it pristine, but he’s a baby and crap happens (quite literally) so don’t send me your grandma’s christening gown, would you let me know?   

Dear Dr. Short But Sweet,

Thanks for the invitation to your tenth anniversary celebration and congratulations on reaching this milestone.  As Pili and I do not have any children, and this appears to be a very family-centered event, we will not be attending.  In the future, I would suggest that it might be more sensitive to leave those patients who are not “success stories”  off the mailing list for such events.  It simply serves as one more reminder that we are not among the lucky ones.

Sincerely,

ArtSweet

On a totally different note: For a writing project I’m working on, I need references to songs with the word “friends” in the lyrics.  I’ve got “with a little help from my friends,” “that’s what friends are for,” and “you’ve got a friend” but I need a few more.  Preferably songs that would resonate with the baby boomer generation… any suggestions?

I really think I need this:

“Express yourself on the road! This sleek license plate frame has a built-in scrolling message display. Simply enter up to five personalized messages (up to 120 characters each), then use the wireless remote to select one as you drive. Super-bright LEDs ensure your message is seen day or night.”

The possibilities… are… enticing…

(The closer you get… the slowwwwwer I drive)

Unfortunately, Pili thinks the possibilities would most likely get me run off the road.

(What are you over-compensating for with that Hummer?)

She’s probably right, but I still fantasize about it as I’m driving home and trying to escape the soothing clutches of John Tesh.

1.   This is some truly truly scary crap.  And why is the NPR station always in the middle of a really good story right when I hit the stretch of highway where the only radio stations that come in are Christian or country? No offense friends, but not my listening material of choice.

2.  Along the same lines: It’s a little frightening to stop the radio on a station playing “American Pie,” start singing along, and then realize that you’re listening to this.  

3.  Not even remotely along the same lines: Shouldn’t it be: “Don’ cha wish your girlfriend were hot like me I am?”

4.  And finally: If I listen to John Tesh every night will I really live to be a hundred? And more to the point, is there any radio station in my listening area that doesn’t have the John Tesh show on?