Crawling out from under my rock

May 28, 2009 at 11:00 pm | In Bringing Home the Bacon, M'ijo, The Other D (Better Living Through Chemistry) | 16 Comments

I keep meaning to post. But there are so many things in my head, and so many of them are unbloggable.  I work at a small non-profit, and we are just barely surviving this economy and may very well not make it.  Which would be stressful enough without the partner of one of my colleagues suddenly learning (as in four days later he was having brain surgery) that he has stage 4 glioblastoma.  Which means that she is barely present at work and when she is, she isn’t.  Her family is her first priority, I truly believe that, but at the same time, it puts even more pressure on the rest of us.

So the past two months I’ve been dealing with this, and trying to fight off the demons in my head that threaten to suffocate me in anxiety and depression that paralyzes me and makes the smallest decision agonizing.  And then of course, I think, I need to work, I need to get stuff done, and it is even worse because I cannot.  I’ve gone back to therapy (good) and gotten some new head meds (also good, although the first ones my doctor put me on caused me to eat insatiably and I don’t know how I’m going to get rid of those ten pounds on top of all the other stress eating ones…) and in general am Hanging In There, You Go Girl and all that jazz.

So that’s where I’ve been.

That and trying to keep up with this whirlwind, whose smile puts it all in perspective for me.

Wading

Puddle jumper

He’s 2 1/2 and so full of ideas, opinions, and questions. “Cause why, Mama? Cause why?” His head spins around on his neck whenever anything wheeled goes by. He is polite (for a toddler) – melting hearts with his spontaneous thank-yous. He is incredibly physical – last weekend he climbed up a steep and rocky trail described as “not suitable for young children” – and he loves nothing more than to play endless games of chase, catch me! catch me!

And as long as that continues, everything else is ultimately gravy (but don’t tell me that when I’m pulling my hair out at work…)

Diabetes Haiku

March 17, 2009 at 11:51 am | In The Sweet Life | 7 Comments

Sensor eighty-two
Meter, five twenty-seven
Which should I believe?

(Sadly, the meter is correct)

ETA: WTF? Even after entering the meter reading and eating lunch, the sensor is still alarming and telling me I am 80. And of COURSE, I forgot to grab that extra bottle of strips before I left the house today and am now all out…

The world’s most tolerant cat

March 10, 2009 at 11:21 pm | In M'ijo, Meows | 16 Comments

Donut entered our lives on a cold and windy night in early December. I found him in a strip mall parking lot. I went to see if he had a collar on, since he looked way too fat to be a stray.

Turns out he was a stray. A stray who was living on hand-outs from Dunkin’ Donuts. Believe it or not, he’s still a kitten, which means he may be larger than your average golden retriever by the time he’s done.

He’s obnoxious to the other cats, has almost taken my hand off when I tried to keep him from getting outside again, has a purr that could melt glaciers, and tolerates P’ito’s abuse without blinking. Behold.

I just had to blog about this

February 25, 2009 at 9:57 pm | In I really couldn't come up with a category for this | 8 Comments

Tonight, at about 7pm, the phone rang.

I answered it as I was looking at the caller id and thinking this is probably a telemarketer…

Computerized voice: You will be connected to your caller now
Me: Hmmm.
Operator Voice: all of our representatives are assisting other customers right now. Please continue to hold…
Me: Click.

Fact Check, Please?

February 21, 2009 at 3:25 pm | In Raves & Rants, The Sweet Life | 7 Comments

I should know better than to expect scientifically accurate journalism from any mainstream news outlet.  But somehow it always pisses me off more when the NY Times blows it.  I don’t know why I expect better from them – paper of record? – but I do. Whenever they publish a breathless article about the cure being right around the corner at least fifteen family members forward it to me, much to my irritation.

I cringed when their front page article on IVF and the octuplets referred to “implanting” embryos 11 times (!) even after quoting the ASRM guidelines that refer to transferring embryos.  For those of you scratching your heads, in IVF, embryos are transferred to the woman’s uterus, where they subsequently do or do not implant.  Implantation is the first move towards pregnancy – if they don’t implant, they aren’t doing anything.  If reproductive endocrinologists could actually implant embryos, the world of IVF would be very very different.  

But I really wanted to cancel my subscription after reading this gem of an article about young people without health insurance.  

When Robert Voris last had health insurance, in 2007, he stockpiled insulin pumps, which are inserted under the skin to constantly monitor blood-sugar levels and administer the drug accordingly. He said the tubing for the pump costs $900 a month, so lately he has instead been injecting insulin with a syringe. But Mr. Voris, 27, a journalism student at the City University of New York who works at a restaurant in Park Slope, Brooklyn, is constantly worried about diabetes-induced seizures like the one that sent him to the hospital last summer. (Because it happened at work, his boss covered the ambulance and other bills.)

He “stockpiled insulin pumps”? Which “are inserted under the skin to constantly monitor blood-sugar levels and administer the drug accordingly?”

I WISH.

I understand that diabetes wasn’t the focus of the article, but could you please, please, do some rudimentary fact-checking before you publish shite? Grrrrrr.

Could Get MuchBetter Soon? (CGMS)

February 14, 2009 at 8:08 pm | In The Sweet Life | 5 Comments

So, I’ve had the CGMS system with my Minimed 722 for about two months now, and while I really like being able to “check-in” without stopping to test – especially useful when you are frequently find yourself starting to test and being interrupted by someone (ahem, P’ito) who has discovered that the Cheerios box in the pantry can be emptied all over the floor… and then you come back – did I test? is that strip new or old? if I tested, what was my blood sugar? – there are some things about that drive me absolutely batshit. I hope Minimed reads blogs – and if you’re using the paradigm platform, please feel free to chime in with hacks, whines, etc.

Alarms: First off – need a volume setting. I am a deep sleeper, and I have never been woken up by an alarm. Ideally, this would be programmable by time of day, so that your pump did not go off like an air-raid siren in the middle of a meeting – but did wail to wake the dead in the middle of the night.

This would be unnecessary if the alarms actually woke me, but once the condition that caused an alarm has gone away, the alarm should too. I don’t need to know that I was high three hours ago, when my blood sugar is now 102.

I can’t remember when I put the damn thing in. So it just told me sensor end, and I’m wondering… did I already “start” this sensor for a second time? Or will this be “start” #2? Why not just get them approved for 6 days (or even more logical, a week) and put an end to this sham of re-starting the sensor after three days.

Meter communication. I LOVED having my meter tell my pump what my blood sugar was. It meant that I could test, go about my business, and two ten twenty minutes later look down at my pump to see what my blood sugar was. If you have to, have an “update sensor?” question for blood sugars sent from the meter, but please please, make this function work with the CGMS.

Button functionality. Once you hit the esc button to see your graph, you cannot turn on the back light on the pump. I cannot tell you how many times I have cursed as I esc esc esc esc to get back to the main screen.

Senserter. It is miserable enough using this thing – does it need to require enough force to push the button that I break out in a sweat every time I do it?

Anyone else?

Attention Non-Bio Moms & Future Non-Bio Moms

February 2, 2009 at 8:28 pm | In We are Family | 1 Comment

A friend of mine is doing her masters thesis in social work. She is looking for participants to take part in an online survey that will take about 30 minutes. Here’s what she has to say:

I would like to ask for your help in finding participants for my Master of Social Work thesis research on anonymous donor preferences of non-genetic mothers. I am excited to have this opportunity to give voice to the experiences of women starting families in this way.

Participants in my research must meet the following criteria:

(a) self identify as a woman partnered with another woman,
(b) neither woman in the partnership has previous children (i.e., through birth, foster-care, adoption, or step-parenting),
(c) participants have selected an anonymous [id release okay] sperm donor in the past 36 months, and
(d) participants are not be the genetic (i.e. egg/ovum) parent.

The research consists of answering an anonymous online survey which takes about 30 minutes. The survey can be found at http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=WeKJ3vzrhjjQzXxpNd9Szg_3d_3d

I encourage you to forward this information to any friends, family members, and other professional or personal contacts who might be eligible to participate.

Please feel free to contact me with any questions about this research.

Thank you in advance for your time.

[Note - if you click through to the survey, you will see her name and contact info - I didn't want to make the life of a spammer tooooo easy!]

My cheap ass state & other musings

January 28, 2009 at 12:40 am | In I really couldn't come up with a category for this, The Sweet Life | 6 Comments

I know we’re in a budget crisis, but this is beyond chintzy.

I got my 1099g in the mail from NYS. On the outside of the self-mailer was a survey with the following text.

Check your preferences, detach and return this card to us.

Which of these new methods do you prefer for obtaining 1099-g information in the future?

Tax Department’s Web site: www.nystax.gov or

Automated phone system

[ArtSweet: How about, none of the above, mail it to me?]

Have you accessed the Tax Department’s Web site for assistance in managing your taxes

Yes

No

Being a civic-minded individual I filled out the survey, and then turned it over to see the following

Postage
Required
Post Office will
not deliver
without proper
postage

Are you kidding me?

Um, no. I am not spending 42 cents of my hard earned money on behalf of the Tax Department and its Web site.

In other news.  How to cure Sensertaphobia(TM) in a few easy steps.

  1. Lose your Senserter.  Hunt all over your house without success.
  2. Do a hand insertion.  Hot damn, those are big fat owie needles.
  3. Realize that the Senserter is pretty useful, despite the fact that you break into a sweat from the amount of pressure needed to trigger it.
  4. Decide you are calling Minimed in the AM to beg for a new Senserter.
  5. Debate whether the cats or the child are responsible for its absence, since you would never misplace anything of such medical importance.

Snapshots from a day

January 26, 2009 at 10:59 pm | In Blogging about Blogging, M'ijo, The Sweet Life | 6 Comments

Leaving for work: bag, keys, lunch, check.   Eat the kid’s animal crackers in car, yum yum. Will bolus when I get to a red light, lights are all green.  Get to work, okay now must bolus.  Pump? Pump?

Oh crap. Wonderful Pili brings me pump at work.  Blood sugar has been on a roller coaster ever since.  SIGH.

At daycare: Kiddo runs to me, throws arms around legs, I am the happiest mama in the world.

Yep, he’s my kid: P’ito are you poopy? No Mama just fart.

Dinner: Tofu khan, peas, and ravioli.  Peas and tofu apparently taste better dipped in water.  I think I eat more ravi than he does, but I’m not really eating them and so I don’t really bolus and see above.

Bathtime cannot happen without his bus.  I tell him to go downstairs, get his bus, come right back up. Amazingly he does.

Bedtime: Read Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus twice.  He doesn’t really seem to get it – he always says yes when the pigeon asks to drive the bus, but he still really likes it.  Not sure why.  Shit, library book, needs to be returned.

Would purchase our own copy if Mother-Talk would ever pay me my amazon gift card or at least return my emails (three and counting, FYI).  Realize I will probably never get offered another Mother-Talk gig again for writing this, but do I really want one anyway since they don’t seem to be interested in paying me? Hope potential Mother-Talk clients are reading this…

Sing songs.  Kiddo does not want to be sung to.  Put down in crib.  Go downstairs.  Finish eating non-dinner of leftover ravioli.

Hear: Mama Mama Mama Mama – ignore until volume increases. Go upstairs.  Door knob to kiddo’s room is rattling. Open door to find child pleased as punch with himself for defeating crib. Crap.  See pleasant evenings of grown up time slipping away before my eyes.  Sit down on the floor and sob. Pick kid up and inform him that it is sleeping time and staying in crib time.

Kiddo is holding A Lot of Otters. Read, Mama? Read twice.   Mama, me moonlet.  Melt.  Put in crib, rub back, say silent prayers.  Rustling, banging, singing (Twinkle twinkle little… grandma.  A B C D E F P.  Up above sky so high. ) for an hour and a half on the monitor, but no more calls.  Sneak upstairs once monitor is silent.  Asleep.  In crib.  Thank you g-d.

And now? To write letter to go in holiday groundhog’s day cards.

On deck post: CGMS, the really cool technology that could be so so much cooler with a little bit of market testing.  And Medtronic Minimed, the company that is single-handedly destroying the planet with over packaging.

Hope

January 20, 2009 at 11:02 am | In Political Animal | 7 Comments

From Bishop Gene Robinson’s (magically unbroadcast, ahem) invocation:

O God of our many understandings, we pray that you will…

Bless us with tears – for a world in which over a billion people exist on less than a dollar a day, where young women from many lands are beaten and raped for wanting an education, and thousands die daily from malnutrition, malaria, and AIDS.

Bless us with anger – at discrimination, at home and abroad, against refugees and immigrants, women, people of color, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

Bless us with discomfort – at the easy, simplistic “answers” we’ve preferred to hear from our politicians, instead of the truth, about ourselves and the world, which we need to face if we are going to rise to the challenges of the future.

Bless us with patience – and the knowledge that none of what ails us will be “fixed” anytime soon, and the understanding that our new president is a human being, not a messiah.

Bless us with humility – open to understanding that our own needs must always be balanced with those of the world.

Bless us with freedom from mere tolerance – replacing it with a genuine respect and warm embrace of our differences, and an understanding that in our diversity, we are stronger.

Bless us with compassion and generosity – remembering that every religion’s God judges us by the way we care for the most vulnerable in the human community, whether across town or across the world.

And God, we give you thanks for your child Barack, as he assumes the office of President of the United States.

Give him wisdom beyond his years, and inspire him with Lincoln’s reconciling leadership style, President Kennedy’s ability to enlist our best efforts, and Dr. King’s dream of a nation for ALL the people.

Give him a quiet heart, for our Ship of State needs a steady, calm captain in these times.

Give him stirring words, for we will need to be inspired and motivated to make the personal and common sacrifices necessary to facing the challenges ahead.

Make him color-blind, reminding him of his own words that under his leadership, there will be neither red nor blue states, but the United States.

Help him remember his own oppression as a minority, drawing on that experience of discrimination, that he might seek to change the lives of those who are still its victims.

Give him the strength to find family time and privacy, and help him remember that even though he is president, a father only gets one shot at his daughters’ childhoods.

And please, God, keep him safe. We know we ask too much of our presidents, and we’re asking FAR too much of this one. We know the risk he and his wife are taking for all of us, and we implore you, O good and great God, to keep him safe. Hold him in the palm of your hand – that he might do the work we have called him to do, that he might find joy in this impossible calling, and that in the end, he might lead us as a nation to a place of integrity, prosperity and peace.

AMEN.

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