I am borrowing someone’s laptop to post this from the convention center.
Repeat beta = 166.
U/S May 10.
What the hell do I do for the next 12 days?!?
ETA: I found one spot in my friend’s house where I can get wireless internet from her neighbor’s. Hooray, hoorah. For Allison and anyone else who was curious: Beta hcg levels refer to the hormone your body produces when it is pregnant. The initial number is supposed to double within 48 hours. Which it did. Hoorah, hooray.
Oh, and I’m having dinner with Julia on Sunday. How cool am I?
I didn’t mean to go wham bam thank you maam with that last post and leave you all hanging.
But I’m actually out of town at a conference and staying at a friend’s house.
And she? Has dial up.
So I’ve been scarce in the commenting and reading of others’ blogs division.
I will try to find a moment to post tomorrow regarding the results of either ebullient joy or total devastation.
your comments and all of you rock, big time.
Pili and I, holding hands, tiptoeing in to the bathroom to see the inevitable negative:
Me: Holy crap, I think that’s a plus sign.
Me: Do another one.
P: I only bought one.
Me: Holy crap.
Beta was 74 10dpt. Repeat beta on Friday.
I guess the third (FET) time is (cautiously optimistic, until we hear a heartbeat, until we’re out of the first trimester, until the b-word is screaming and pink in the open air) the charm.
Oh. My. God.
Thank you all for choosing my shadow pictures for Photo Friday. I put probably far too much thought into these photo friday things, which is why they don’t usually show up here until saturday or sunday or even tuesday, and it feels really nice to know that people like them. There are always so many amazing and interesting images submitted, so please check out the Photo Friday pool and look at everyone’s pictures!
Pili was very grateful for this week’s topic: What I ate for dinner
A few words of explanation.
I like to cook.
I especially like to bake.
I spent two summers working as a cook.
I am incapable of making a small amount of anything.
Whenever I cook, we wind up with enough food to feed a frat house. Leftovers for lunch, dinner, breakfast, lunch, dinner…
This also means that whenever I cook, it’s a big production.
Which means that Pili, wonderful wonderous Pili, is the primary cook in our house, when it comes to everyday meals.
But this topic required me to cook.
Black bean and sweet potato enchildas with mole sauce
The sweet potatos, all mushed up and ready to go in the enchiladas
Mole sauce in the making
The whole enchilada
Yummy salad with mesclun, stilton, and pears
The lemon ginger bars
Because how do you segue gracefully from mole to miscarriage?
I’m so grateful for your comments on the previous post.
Your confidence, faith, and support mean more than I can say.
What if we succeed? We see the two lines, the plus sign, the positive beta, the heartbeat on the ultrasound, Pili worshipping the porcelain god morning noon and night… only to end in sorrow? Reading these posts, it seems like miscarriage happens more often than it doesn’t.
Would that be worse than never getting pregnant at all?
Then I’m filled with remorse and shame. How horrible am I that I read these stories and the first thought that jumps to my mind is ME ME ME US US US?
My friends, I am so sorry. Sorry that you have been through this pain, and sorry that I am not a better person to help you deal with it.
ETA: I might take this down. Seeing it on my blog is making me very nervous, like even voicing the thought might bring the evil eye down upon my head. Kenahorah. I really am my mother’s daughter. Am I ridiculous, or am I just pathetic?
When you’re running late for work…
and you can’t find your glasses.
Perhaps I should start a website called “stuff under my cat”?
In the meantime, stuff on my cat is always good for a laugh on a slow day at work.
I had already torn the lid off my yogurt and reheated my ten-thousandth bowl of matzah ball soup.
A cup of coffee and today’s NY Times crossword awaited me.
I was very hungry.
I reached into my bag and pulled out my meter.
Then I remembered. Taking the last strip out of the bottle of test strips this morning. Saying to myself: must remember to grab new bottle of strips
Did not remember. Strips are an hour and some away at home.
I bolused for the meal, and revised my plan for the day: go directly home after work instead of going to the gym.
This topic was a lot of fun.
Then again, anything that gives me an excuse to waste an hour looking through all my pictures is a lot of fun in my book.
Otherwise known as embryos one & two.
Smoothly transferred into Pili’s womb this afternoon.
In the waiting room afterwards, I fussed with the coffee machine as a pretext whilst
shamelessly ogling eyeing another lesbian couple sitting side by side in the oh-so-tasteful mission furniture, gazing deeply into each other’s eyes.
Should I break the sacred waiting room code of silence? This is Small City, and there aren’t that many of us around. On the other hand… look at how lovey-dovey they are. They’re either brand new here or they’re here for a let’s hear the baby’s heartbeat ultrasound. In which case I
may go out of my head with jealousy will be very very happy for them.
I finally decided that I had to break the code of silence, if only so that they wouldn’t interpret my one-cup-coffee-machine-fiddling-blatent-staring as a straight woman giving them the hairy eyeball. While it can take a long time to choose between french roast and earl grey, five minutes is probably pushing it, no?
The unpardonable thing? In a fertility clinic, the only decaf option was chamomile. Blech.
So, how long have you guys been coming here?
Oh, this is our first visit. We’re just here for a consultation with Dr. SBS. (oh crap. you do not want to talk to me) How about you?
Well, um, we’ve been here for a while. I’m just waiting for my partner. We actually wound up doing IVF, my eggs, her uterus…
Oh wow! How great. We’re still trying to decide who goes first!
Um, yeah. It’s great if it works. (Pili emerges) Well, good luck to you. See you again, maybe.
I am trying to welcome these embryos with sweetness and light, to convince them that they would like to stay put for a while. I held my hand over Pili’s stomach for a minute and tried to think only cheerful happy smiling family thoughts.
I have absolutely no expectation that this will work, and yet I can’t help hoping that I will be surprised.