Blogging for a Reason

June 1, 2006 at 6:11 pm | Posted in Blogging about Blogging, Political Animal, We are Family | 10 Comments

Today is blogging for LGBT families day.

Being behind the ball as I usually am, I didn’t realize this until late in the day. If I had, I wouldn’t have posted quite so many random conversations and lobster pictures. Because this is the post I want you to read.

I suspect that for some of the folks who read this blog, lesbian and gay families are not your first priority, or even close to it. Maybe you have gay friends or relatives, and you think they should be treated fairly, but it’s not your number one voting issue. Maybe you wonder why we’re making such a big stink about marriage.

As a person with diabetes, I’m already vulnerable to the vagaries of health insurance coverage. But as a person with diabetes and a lesbian, in a committed relationship, I’m doubly more vulnerable than I would be if I were married to a man. For the purposes of illustration, imagine (sorry, hon) that Pili is a man and we are (as indeed we are) married.

  • If her employer offers spousal benefits, I get them, no questions asked. She doesn’t get a line on her w2 listing them as additional income earned, as is the case with domestic partner benefits.
  • I wind up in the hospital. She can make medical decisions for me and visit me, no questions asked, no documents needed to be signed.
  • I have a child. Or we adopt a child. Her name goes on the birth certificate, no questions asked, no second-parent adoption necessary. We don’t have to worry about whether or not we can travel through states that don’t recognize our second-parent adoption.
  • I’m a stay at home mom, raising our family. Something horrible happens to her. I get her social security benefits to allow me to continue to support our family.

None of these apply to us as a married lesbian couple. The fact is that marriage in this country grants substantial fiscal rights and advantages to those who are allowed to partake in it.

Please help me protect our family. Speak up. And tell others why it’s important.


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  1. I get it. And it pisses me off that other people don’t. So count this as a straight girl on your side who talks about these issues with some regularity.

    I personally blame all the straight couples living together in sin that are doing the most damage to the “instution of marriage”. Heh.

  2. Nicely put.

  3. holler!!!
    i blogged about it~
    if the unmarried coupls can also get benfits and everything else. .
    why cant gay and lesbiens . whats the difference?
    giving a shout out..***hugs***

  4. My sister is moving out of CO partly because of all this crap. Anyway, well-put and thank you. Blog on.

  5. Any way you’d want to move to Mass.? Not that that should be the solution. But why aren’t the rest of the states in the U.S. following the Bay State’s lead?

  6. Marriage is marriage.

    Regardless of the sex of those involved, if individuals are willing to make that commitment to one another, there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON why they shouldn’t be given the same rights and privileges as any couple.

    Why are so many people threatened by this?!

    Yes, this does anger me. And yeah, I’m one of those folks who has had a number of gay and lesbian friends over the years, and I’ve seen how much emotional pain these “laws” (and the attitudes that both drive, and are perpetuated by them) can wreak.

    One friend in particular took an extended leave of absence to care for his dying husband as he slowly lost his battle with AIDS (while members of his spouse’s so-called immediate family would have nothing to do with him). There were no benefits given to my friend, and he was certainly not treated by his husband’s family as a grieving spouse.

    Anyway, sorry to rant here. I realize that you and Pili have been through so much recently.

    On top of everything else it just sucks that you have to fight this battle too.

    Sending ((hugs)) to both of you.

  7. Hi Art-sweet –

    A very thoughful post. I think it sucks that people can have a committed relationship for years and not be allowed to marry, while others, that you can bet money won’t last six months, are able to get married, just by virtue of their gender.

    It’s like people trying forever to have a kid, and having to see all the people who have babies already and don’t take care of them.

    How sad you and Pili have to deal with both. Hugs to you both!

  8. This is one of those things that I just don’t get. How is gay marriage threatening the institution of marriage? How? No one has EVER been able to explain that to me.

    I keep saying this and sometimes it feels like no one is listening, but I’ll continue to say it: Who CARES who you love and how you love, as long as you DO love?

    I get more worked up over this than my sister, who is a lesbian. She just doesn’t seem to care that much. I find that a bit weird, too, but that’s probably a blog post in waiting right there.

  9. I live in VA. Scary, scary things happening around this issue. Thanks for the nudge to speak up.

  10. I’ve always thought that the argument that same-sex marriage “threatens the sanctity” or whatever of marriage (that, is, marriage as it currently exists in most states) is a sham. It’s nothing more than a attempt to dress up the reality of what’s going on, which is bigotry, nothing more or less.

    Parallel arguments from our sordid political past: the idea that democracy would be threatened by granting the vote to [insert disenfranchised group here–black people, women, etc.]; the idea that the military would be threatened by permitting the service of those same groups (still a problem for GLBTs, obviously); the idea that education would be threatened by teaching kids of various races in the same schools. And so on.

    History has proven all these arguments to be specious and founded in the desire of the majority to oppress a minority. May the same occur with this issue.

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