I’m back! Let’s talk! Or, the longest post ever.

July 7, 2006 at 1:46 pm | Posted in AdoptThis!, mishpocheh | 17 Comments

A little the worse for wear, but back nonetheless. A warning to the squeamish and to my phobic friends, bodily fluids mentioned below.

We had a lovely time out in suprisingly sunny northern CA. I think Bri and I may have breathed the same air molecules as we were stunningly near each other without knowing it. My cousin, wife, and adorable twin niecies live around the corner from the cafe in which she apparently spent most of high school. Weird.

I guess Pili and I really are married, fucking assholes on the NY State court of appeals be damned*, because I LOST it at her mother. Lost it. I believe the words selfish and inappreciative flew out there a few times. It’s just really hard for me to see how her parents treat her. Their priorities are, IMHO, weird. I know they love her – and me. And they’re always happy to see us – and very jealous of our time when we’re there. But they don’t make much of an effort to get out here, or to encourage us to come there by subsidizing things… And it’s hard for me to believe the “oh we’re so poor line” when they’re in the middle of remodeling their entire house.

Aside from that outburst, it was a beautiful trip. And Pili’s mom is coming to visit us, g-d help me, in a month. So I should really stop bitching about her. Dad and step-mom, on the other hand… And my niecies are the cutest, smartest things ever. I will put some pix up on flickr, friends and fam only, so let me know if you want to be among the elect.

After a miserable trip back which included getting sick at O’Hare, convincing myself that I had Toxic Shock Syndrome (did not, but still cannot bring myself to leave the world of girly diapers MAXIpads and return to more convenient modes of dealing with things), a two hour delay, and not being able to find my car in the airport parking garage (Stop. Laughing. At Me. Now.), I am finally back in the Lovely City of Eternal Sleepage.

And, as of three am last night, the autobiography is done. It’s not, by any stretch of the imagination, a piece of writing of which I’m proud. But it’s done, and I don’t think Mrs. Vaseline Teeth cares that much about my writing. In fact, I’m not sure what she cares about, which is unfortunate.

A word about Mrs. Vaseline Teeth. She smiles. A lot. More than I could smile without my lips sticking to my teeth. She gushes about how adorable Guatemalan children are and hasn’t asked any questions to date about our ability to support the culture of said adorable children. At our first meeting with her, we flipped through the gigantic basket of adoptive family Christmas cards. I picked up one of those adopt-the-world family pictures with sixteen or seventeen children, some bio, some clearly adopted. “Oh that’s such a sweeet family,” she crooned. “Can you tell which ones are their real kids?”

[Adoption bloggers, you are with me now in saying: no, no, no – she didn’t. The adoption social worker did not ask you that. But she did.]

A trick question, I thought, and pounced. “Why, all of them, of course,” I said, well-read adoption advocate me.

“Oh yes, of course,” she said. “But which ones are their own?”

More tentatively: “Do you mean, which ones are their biological children? Because, I mean, they adopted them, right?”

Dismissively: Yes, yes. Can you tell which ones are adopted? Well, duh. The parents are office-paper white. I’m guessing the brown ones are adopted. Why are we working with her? Because everyone says she is the best in town. And no one seems to have any suggestions for anyone else within a hundred mile radius. And she will get the job done, and not make our lives difficult. Am I crazy though, for thinking that her job is, on some level, to make our lives difficult? To ask tough questions and make us think through them? Or am I expecting too much of her?

I bought myself a present for finishing my autobiography. Actually, I bought it beforehand because I have wanted one for a long long time and it was super on sale (try, $250 off list). But I didn’t open it until I was done with the autobiography. And now I am having a wee bit of buyers remorse because, really, we can’t afford this right now. But it would probably cost $50 just to ship this puppy back, so I ought to keep it. Right?

Splurge 1 Splurge, Closeup

A word about being sick: My Stomach Thing That Was Not Toxic Shock Syndrome is now a Generalized Low Energy Headachy Snotty Thing. I want to have energy. I need to have energy. I need to have energy so as:

  • To take on my lengthy todo list. [MOST DECIDELY NOT DONE]
  • To carry the haveahart out to the wilderness behind our house and try to capture the evil groundhog who has bitten off the tops of my phlox, my tomatoes (a short way to get on my shit list), my liatris, and my yarrow. [DONE!]
  • To plant the strawberry runners I brought back from CA. [DONE!]
  • To pull out the lawn weeds that have taken over the lawn. [Ha! Surely you jest!]
  • To outline the New and Revitalized, Revisited Thesis. [Err, um.]
  • To vacuum the cat-hair coated carpets before Pili gets home on Sunday. [See above]
  • To call NonExpressScripts and ask where the hell my prescriptions are. [Two arrived today. The test strips are now “in pharmacy.” The pump supplies? In limbo, apparently.]
  • To cook up the fridge full of delicious organic veggies before more arrive from the CSA on Tuesday. (Spell check wanted to change veggies to Vegas! Perhaps next weeks delivery from the crunchy granola farm will include a few crunchy granola showgirls?)
  • To change my lancet.

Okay, now I’m having an anxiety attack about all I have to do. Later, sweeties.

*Lots of other bloggers have commented about the incredible stupidity that is the appeals court decision. I will say only that these are not the great legal minds of our time. To say in the same breath that children born into same-sex relationships live in more stable family units (and therefore do not deserve legal protection for those family units) and that (contrary to the opinion of any number of respected social science organizations) it’s better for kids to grow up in opposite sex couple households… that’s just frickin idiotic. And what about non-procreative straight couples? What about… oh, it just pisses me off beyond words.


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  1. Welcome Home!

  2. Welcome back!

    Glad you had a nice time, despite the not-so-nice MIL.

    Mrs. Vaseline Teeth? A piece of work, that one.

    Oh, and please count me in on those Flickr photos– I’d love to see snaps of your nieces 🙂

    • "Provided that a copy of a work published in any country outside India with the permission of the author of the work and imported from that country shall not be deemed to be an infringing cop2y&#82.1;Does it mean that one can get around the exclusive territorial licenses?Thanx, S

  3. *Definitely* don’t return your splurge– it helps me feel better about mine!

    NY court is apparently as idiotic as your social worker. Maddening!

  4. Sorry about the nontoxic shock. Sounds hellacious.

    As far as social workers are concerned, I have come to accept that all they really are is the holders of the keys to adoption candidacy and you have to play their game their way to get the key. Which means if they are the types to challenge you toward cross-cultural competency, those who resist such “inconveniences” will just fake it anyway.

    Amazing that she is not even trying to use positive adoption language though. That is over the top of what I have had to cope with!

  5. welcome back, Mix Master!!
    that mixer is stunning. I expect lots of photos of all the yummy things you are making. I am very demanding.

    Ms. (or was it Mrs.?) Vaseline Teeth sounds like a nutter. ugh.

    Hope you are feeling better soon.

  6. 1) Keep the mixer – I covet one so badly that it makes me feel better knowing you have one!

    2) The social worker is a fucktard of the highest proportions. But if she gets you together with your kid quickly and easily then her fucktardiness shall be overlooked by me.

  7. Congrats on finishing the autobiography and taking another big step toward your dream. Michele says hi.

  8. Congrats on the mixer– well worth the purchase, even if it’s only used once a month like mine. It’s just so pretty and functional– the pain of the price slowly ebbs with each turn of the beater.

  9. You have the purtiest mixmaster I’ve ever seen. Keep it keep it keep it! My FUL (father-un-law) has late adult onset diabetes and my rationalization for mine was that I’d make him sugarfree cookies. 🙂 🙂 🙂

    (Speaking of nutty families, they didn’t tell my wife about it. She found out for herself while home for a visit and looking for a snack. “Mom, why are there all these sugar free snack items in the cabinets?” And that was when we lived in the same metro area. Sheesh do we worry about what they might be hiding now that hiding is so much easier.)

  10. I wish I knew you were in my neck of the woods! We could have met for coffee!! Your splurge is fabulous. I have my grandma’s (from 25 years ago) it is avocado green, and still works like a dream.

  11. I would definitely keep the Kitchen Aid. It is beautiful (I’m definitely the type that can find beauty in kitchen equipment). I’m having “mixer envy” right now.

    I agree with you about the court decision–“frickin idiotic.” How much longer will America put up with this crap anyway?

  12. Very funny that we were so close together, indeed. Too bad we didn’t know it!

    And the KitchenAid – keep keep keep! We bought ourselves one as a wedding present 4 years ago (we had this little problem where we kept buying ourselves stuff we’d registered for) and have never, never regretted it. Never having to hand whip eggs again is worth it right there. Make meringues and angel food cake right away and you’ll feel as though you suddenly got the best deal ever.

    Welcome back!

  13. Ooooh, I’m having mixer envy. I want one of those, badly. They’re so shiny and pretty and retro and mmmmm. So, mix something for me.

  14. Hey! I’d love to be added to flickr.

    As for the Kitchen-Aid, we got one for a wedding present, and Co loves it. And as the person who gets to eat things she makes with it (including bread; it makes dough!!) I love it too.

    As for the social worker, wow, that does seem odd. I guess I’m with mermaid.

  15. I love your mixer. I have been having fantasies about a Red Kitchen Aide Mixer for over two years now. Love it.

    Currently living vicariously through you. :)–>

    • Yo&u#8217;ll ruin your own shoes generally, it will be challenging for you to have on sandals, high heel sandals will also not the simple to wear and foot stench and infection can also be well known. People have hard times dealing with the condition of exhausted feet.

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