In which I apologize to a rodent

July 8, 2006 at 11:53 am | Posted in Home, Sweet Home?, Political Animal | 4 Comments

My sincere apologies, Mrs. Groundhog

May I call you Mrs. Groundhog? I assume you are female, as I’ve seen you frolicking with two equally fat little ones, and wikipedia assures me that the male of the species abandons you after the birth of the little ones. (Pig) Perhaps a simple Ms. Groundhog would suffice? Or does New York State extend marital rights to rodents – as long as they’re heterosexual rodents? It certainly seems like your relationship could use some statuatory encouragement towards stability (assholes, assholes, assholes).

You’ve had a grand old time devouring my liatris, making mincemeat of my yarrow, and decapitating my coneflowers.

The liatris

Hopefully the havahart placed strategically amongst the baptisia, leading directly to the hole under the fence that you’ve dug and redug multiple times, will shortly result in the end of my acquaintance with you and your kids.

So long, it’s been nice to know you.

What’s that? Ah yes, the apology. While I have been an eyewitness to some of your more heinous crimes, yesterday, I blamed you unfairly.

In my heart of hearts, I knew you weren’t the culprit. But it wasn’t until I saw the calling card, left so generously in the lawn weeds, that I knew who it was who chomped on my tomato plants, beheaded my raspberry bushes, and took the buds off my phlox.

Damn Deer   Phlox, bitten off in its prime
Damn Deer II   More tomato damage

The calling card
Bastard deer.

Did I ever say I was in favor of gun control? Did I really say that you were cute as I saw you grazing peacefully on the other side of the fence?

I lied.

Some pictures of what my pride and joy, aka what Bambi is trying to destroy:

The garden I

The garden II


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  1. The deer are chewing up the entire world at the estate where I work, but I just can’t despise them like the caretaker wishes I would. Especially since yesterday, when I left my office, there was a mommy and her TWINS chomping up the grass. Twin pretty baby bambis…just too much cuteness for my rational mind to conquer. =)

  2. It’s much harder to be angry with a deer!

  3. Oh no, not the coneflowers 😦

    I feel your pain– our block is over run with rabbits– sadly many of my tulips lost their heads this spring as as a result.

    Damn critters!

    But so far (knock on wood, throw salt, and whatever else it takes), most of my perennials are hanging tough. Though I can’t say the same for my next door neighbors’…

  4. I think you are so wonderful.
    You are my first for ‘Tribute Tuesday’!

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