I knew I shouldn’t have bought that onesie…

October 27, 2006 at 5:27 pm | Posted in AdoptThis!, mishpocheh, The Other D (Better Living Through Chemistry), The Sweet Life | 19 Comments

Just got an email from Guatemala Agency Lady (GAL). She has (finally) reviewed our dossier and found several documents that we have to redo, including: the medical letter, the employment letter, the police clearance letter, one of the witness statements, and the name affidavit.

Pili and I react so differently to this kind of news. She gets pissed and frustrated – why didn’t GAL catch these errors earlier? – why is this process so stupid anyway? and I feel intensely uncomfortable in the presence of her anger. All I want to do is run around and Make It All Better And Please Stop Having These Feelings I Cannot Do Anything About Please Please Please Please because I feel helpless and small and impotent in the face of These Feelings.

Various therapists have pointed out that I also feel helpless and small and impotent in the face of This Disease. And that my mother is prone to falling apart and I am prone to feeling like I have to fix things for her. Including the fact that I have This Disease, which obviously I cannot fix. And so we smile pleasantly and do not talk about This Disease, ever, unless I bring it up, or unless my father sends me yet another “the cure is only five years away” article. They do not ask about my blood sugars. Despite being total gadget-philes, they have not asked me anything about the pump. I tell them every time a test comes back clear and they say oh that’s wonderful. I don’t know how I will ever tell them if/when the opthamologist does not smile as he is putting away his high tech helmet, if/when I do not leave one of these exams blinking with woozy dilated desperate relief.

And despite the fact that every logical bone in my body is telling me that $2.87 at Tarzghey does not have the power to influence our dossier – or my chances at a job that I want – or anything else, I cannot help that little voice from creeping into my skull. That little voice that says: Why are you surprised, Art-Sweet? Don’t you know that Disappointment is your Destiny? Oh, did you really think you could dodge the bullet this time? In an interior voice rich with contempt and derision: realllly now, how presumptuous of you to imagine things would be different?


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  1. Hey lady, hang in there. This is completely annoying and frustrating but… it’s PAPERWORK. You’ll get it done, and fast.

    And my wife wants me to remind you that JUST BECAUSE YOU BOUGHT A ONESIE DOES NOT MEAN YOU MESSED IT ALL UP. (She has reminded me of this kind of thing more times than I care to confess).

  2. Well, glory be, your inner voice and my inner voice ought to get together and have coffee, cause they have a lot in common. Paperwork is always a PITA. I hope it gets fixed up, and fast.

  3. I know how annoying setbacks like these can be. I, too, was the one who would freak out every time something had to be “fixed” or “redone.” I would yell and cry and be certain that this was “never going to happen.” DH was the one to say “it’s just a piece of paper”…. “we’ll get it taken care of”….

    Of course the positive note is that if you’re hypervigilant about the documents while they’re in your possesion, there’s less of a chance that they will be rejected on the Guatemalan side. I know, small consolation at this point…. but just remember that it WILL work out. I can’t say when and it may be an awfully long road… but you WILL bring your baby home.

  4. ARRRRR.

    My inner voice would probably blame it on the onsie too. Or the fact that I didn’t give the homeless man enough money. Or SOMETHING. I know how you feel. I’m sorry GAL didn’t catch it the first time.

    I marvel at your parents though…They want to know EVERYTHING about my hubby’s issues. I swear they’d be happy if they were emailed his daily blood sugars.

    Different folks.

    Hope the paperwork fey are smiling at you the next time.

  5. Bleh. I am so sorry there is another annoying thing to deal with. It is not the damn onesie, though. Just as the penguin one I bought did not cause the creature to have 69 chromsomes. A onesie is a onesie is a onesie and Guatebaby is going to look great in it. Hang in there, hon.

  6. What a big bunch of slime you’re wading through – but you will get to the other side. (Nope, my family never utters a word about the db either – like maybe if they ignore it long enough, it’ll go away.)
    I really liked all of the comments that preceded me.
    You can do this!

  7. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had trouble with at least one document. It is stressful and feels like a huge hold up, I know, but irshlas is totally right. It’s better to get them fixed now and know that all will be in great shape when you get to Guat. I have been obsessing over my messy signature screwing up our future stay in PGN. Should I redo everything? I don’t know….

  8. Guatebaby will wear that onesie (and the Che one) someday. I agree with everyone that it’s just paperwork.

    However, maybe I don’t understand how it all works. Is it possible you can do all the paperwork and still be denied on a technicality? Can you keep applying until you’re accepted for an adoption? Or does it mean if you get a denial, you can’t apply again?

  9. I think we all take on that I’m-Gonna-Fix-Everything role for our honeybunnies. It’s just what we do in stressful times, even with an adoption dossier. Hang in there, just a few more hoops to jump through and everything will be fine…right?

  10. What utter crap. I’m so sorry to hear about the most recent stumbling block. I can understand Pili’s rage, but I think I’d probably react much like you. Don’t inner voices just suck?

    And yes, you know that buying the onesie did not curse you or this process. But those inner voices. Man, they are persuasive.

    I hope you manage to shut them up & that this meets the required quota of Adoption Paperwork Fuckups.

  11. Dang it all. That sucks. Is there any way you can send her (fax?) the new letters/clearances for her to proof, *before* you send them on for the $$ parts of certification & authentication?

    Sucks, regardless, and no it’s not your fault for buying a onesie. I don’t know anyone who didn’t have to redo paperwork at the nth hour, including myself. Hugs.

  12. I’ve never adopted a child, but I executed two estates at the same time once. Thusly, I hate legal documents. It didn’t matter how good my lawyer was, it didn’t matter how careful I was, it didn’t matter what the guy at the city clerk’s office told me… there was always something else I had to do that no one had told me about, or some new thing I had to fork over money for, or something I had to resubmit because I did what one guy told me instead of what some other guy told me.

    So, it sucks and it’s stupid. But it is what it is and you’ll redo them and resubmit them and it’ll be okay.

    And the onesie is adorable. I don’t think you jinxed yourself by buying it. Hope is important. Guatebaby will slip into that onesie yet.

  13. ARGH!!
    I’m so sorry for the bump in the road.
    & boy do I get that strong urge to want to fix everything!


  14. Lyrehca (and anyone else wondering about this):

    Right now our dossier is in the hands of the U.S. contact person for our agency. She is scrutinizing it to make sure that there are no errors that could cause us to have to redo documents further on down the road. So yes, we can still be “kicked out” on a technicality, but when that happens we can resubmit with corrected documents and continue on.

  15. Amen to everything that your other fans have already said. I am the type to “blame it on the onesie” too. But in reality it doesn’t make any sense, and it really will work out. Thinking of you.

  16. The paperwork does suck. And at the same time it is the only thing you are allowed to do while waiting, so in some ways it gave me comfort, even when I had to redo it, because it was something I could control.

    Having said that, we are still in our holding pattern with adoption number two and the dossier is almost a year old, which means we have a strong likelihood of being told to redo it. Even though I know this, I will be so. pissed.

    And I will be on it and done well before that would ever happen on the other side of the equation. So completely sucky.

  17. We had to redo three documents from our dossier. I thought I was fine with it- even blogged about it. Then I got sad. Then mad. Then reallllly sad. Now I am just inpatient. This journey is a thrill a minute!I think we experience every emotion known, and maybe a few new ones before we even get to hold our precious Guatebabies.

    Hang in there! And for the record, the onesie ROCKS.

  18. This whole process sucks. Really sucks. I’m still getting calls about re-doing documents and it still makes me fall apart. Everytime I say if I have to re-do another one, I’m throwing in the towel because I can’t do it anymore. But every time I re-do after I throw a little tantrum. Why? Because the end result is what I want so badly that I am willing to keep jumping through these hoops and banging my head against that brick wall.
    I’m sorry you have to re-do those things. It will feel so good when you finally have them all done. I promise. And keep buying those onsies…they help you remember WHY you are doing all of this paperwork. Retail therapy is good.

  19. Awww….Art, I felt the same exact way when I bought a cute little baby outfit and then had my ectopic. I wish there was something wise I could say, but other than, I am here, please call and let’s talk……or go and have coffee…..

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