Crawling out from under my rock

May 28, 2009 at 11:00 pm | Posted in Bringing Home the Bacon, M'ijo, The Other D (Better Living Through Chemistry) | 16 Comments

I keep meaning to post. But there are so many things in my head, and so many of them are unbloggable.  I work at a small non-profit, and we are just barely surviving this economy and may very well not make it.  Which would be stressful enough without the partner of one of my colleagues suddenly learning (as in four days later he was having brain surgery) that he has stage 4 glioblastoma.  Which means that she is barely present at work and when she is, she isn’t.  Her family is her first priority, I truly believe that, but at the same time, it puts even more pressure on the rest of us.

So the past two months I’ve been dealing with this, and trying to fight off the demons in my head that threaten to suffocate me in anxiety and depression that paralyzes me and makes the smallest decision agonizing.  And then of course, I think, I need to work, I need to get stuff done, and it is even worse because I cannot.  I’ve gone back to therapy (good) and gotten some new head meds (also good, although the first ones my doctor put me on caused me to eat insatiably and I don’t know how I’m going to get rid of those ten pounds on top of all the other stress eating ones…) and in general am Hanging In There, You Go Girl and all that jazz.

So that’s where I’ve been.

That and trying to keep up with this whirlwind, whose smile puts it all in perspective for me.


Puddle jumper

He’s 2 1/2 and so full of ideas, opinions, and questions. “Cause why, Mama? Cause why?” His head spins around on his neck whenever anything wheeled goes by. He is polite (for a toddler) – melting hearts with his spontaneous thank-yous. He is incredibly physical – last weekend he climbed up a steep and rocky trail described as “not suitable for young children” – and he loves nothing more than to play endless games of chase, catch me! catch me!

And as long as that continues, everything else is ultimately gravy (but don’t tell me that when I’m pulling my hair out at work…)


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  1. I cannot believe how big he is! 2 1/2 years old!!!?!?! Wow how time does fly.

    It’s always good to read your posts but I think we all understand that life is pretty busy. I’ll always be here when you get a chance to write.

    Take care and keep that hair of yours. 🙂

  2. Agh! I love that sitting in a puddle picture.

  3. ‘Pito is getting so big! What a handsome little guy!

    Thumbs down to super-stress (insert encouraging phrase of choice here).

    Nice to see a post from you!

  4. Oh, man, P’ito’s gotten huge! We’ll need to do another mini-gettogether soon! Give me a call when you have some free time (yeah, right, I know….)

  5. Sorry about all of the other but lordie he is growing up! Wow.

  6. Indeed, sorry work is tough right now and that you’re sorting out new meds. I’d wondered what was up with you recently.

    But your kid looks great. Glad he’s doing well.

  7. He’s beautiful. 🙂

  8. Great post. Life is just full of ups and downs. . . I think your post shows that well. Beautiful pictures. . . how adorable is he??

  9. The boy is bloomin’ like a rose.

  10. It’ so great to hear from you! And to get adorable pictures of your adorable (and so big!) boy to boot! I hope that you’ll post more soon, but I also totally understand the ebbs and flows of life and blogging.

  11. Sorry things are so rough right now but at least you have that gorgeous boy to come home to. Holy cow! He’s a doll…cuter and cuter every day!

  12. Yay meds, yay therapy. Yay most adorable boy to help keep things on an even keep and in perspective.

    Many days, many moments, the best thing I can say is, “I’m not dead yet!” which is my code for ‘since I’m NOT dead, I had better keep working at it all.’ Not ideal, and doesn’t feel all that great, but here we are, right? Sounds like you are being proactive enough, and sometimes treading water IS a good coping mechanism for the time being.

    I cannot get over how handsome and sturdy the boy is! Have I mentioned that we are in full-on “I Stink” love here? I think I remember you posting about that a while ago…

  13. Great to hear from you. Hoping that you find a way through the swamp.

    I cannot believe how freaking big he is all of a sudden!

  14. Glad you have that beautiful smile as a beacon through the hard stuff–which I hope eases up considerably, quickly. And so sorry for your colleague and her husband. A friend of ours had a glioblastoma, and it just sucks.

  15. Good lord, he’s beautiful!!! Yay!!! I remember the days of your uncertainty. All so worth it in the end. xo

  16. Hope things are getting better emotionally. I’ll definitely be sending positive vibes to your workfriend, my dad had the same tumor. Hopefully we can get together sometime this summer!

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