There once was a blogger

December 3, 2007 at 11:47 pm | Posted in Blogging about Blogging, More than you ever wanted to know about me..., The Other D (Better Living Through Chemistry) | 25 Comments

I have this Thing.

The longer I postpone doing something the harder it is to do it. I think “I should have done that last time I thought about it and what the hell is wrong with me and…” and then (at least this is what my Much Beloved Therapist and I concluded) I associate shame with that task, whatever it may be, and so I “forget” to do it and then the next time I remember it’s even harder to overcome the shame and actually do it.  So then when I think “oh crap I meant to do x y or z” I feel even worse, and am even more likely not to do it. Some of the areas of my life where this has impacted me include:

  • returning phone calls & emails
  • writing my m.a. thesis
  • taking insulin (shit, I was going to take my shot after dinner and I forgot and I should do it now, but look at the floor and how dirty it is…)
  • returning library books (this one has cost me $$$)
  • filling prescriptions & making doctors appts
  • and now… blogging

I suppose I could blame my silence over the past few weeks on busy-ness, which is true, but never stopped me before, or on all of you who were doing nowblowme nablopomo and kept me hopping just to keep up the comments, which I didn’t (more shame) or any number of things, but the truth is, I have whipped myself up past cream into butter. The more days go by, the better the comeback post has to be and the harder it is to sit down and write it. How can I just write about baby food or do a meme when I haven’t written in weeks?

So finally I am blogging about the shame in the hope that doing so will free me up to write about second parent adoption (anticlimax galore, pictures on flickr) and babyfood (please tell me that my child is not the only 13 month old who would rather eat stage 3 purees than finger foods) and meeting bloggers (who I am too lazy to link to) and sick cats and the trainwreck that is my immune system (any other diabeters with lichen planus out there?) and shout outs to bloggers with good news and crappy news and…

And please don’t tell me not to feel ashamed: because then I just feel more ashamed for being ashamed.

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Passing the Word

April 17, 2007 at 6:06 pm | Posted in Blogging about Blogging | 58 Comments

I may do a few password protected posts in the near future… adoption related stuff (nothing to worry about, just wanting to whine and feeling the need to do it a little more privately).  If you’d like the password, email me at artsweets AT gmail DOT com or leave a comment on this post that includes your email address (it will only be visible to my eyes).  If you haven’t commented before, or I don’t know you in real life, please tell me a little bit about yourself so that I feel comfortable spilling my guts to you!

All Hail Beth

January 14, 2007 at 2:05 pm | Posted in Blogging about Blogging, Linky Love | 18 Comments

Look at my pretty new header! Thank you Beth, it’s beeeeee-u-tiful!

Also, I have a new post up at lesbian family. More navel gazing about raising a son…

Diary of a Misplaced Foodie

January 10, 2007 at 8:23 pm | Posted in Blogging about Blogging, Home, Sweet Home? | 32 Comments

I rolled my eyes (okay, I rolled my eyes A LOT) when the restaurant reviewer for our local newspaper panned the one really good Chinese place in town, complaining that the food was too spicy and the owner offered too many suggestions.

I rolled my eyes even more when she gave a very positive review to the “authentic” Italian cuisine at 0live garden.

And then in the front page article of today’s food section the editor offers some helpful tips on recipe substitutions.

As a substitute for one whole egg, use two egg yolks and one tbs. cold water. Um, if I don’t have a whole egg, do you really think I’m likely to have two egg yolks sitting around the fridge? No maple syrup? Use corn syrup + maple flavoring. Why of course! Maple flavoring – the essential basic everyone has in their spice cabinet.

Finally, in the “you must really think your readers are idiots” category: Did you ever imagine that you could substitute boiling water and bouillion cubes for broth? A stick of margerine for a stick of butter? An equal amount of unsalted butter and a pinch of salt for salted butter?

dday_button_copy.jpg

Despite the tone of this post, I don’t really bite (Really. Those were lovenips.) So… since it’s national delurking week… won’t you leave me a note and tell me what brought you here?

Diary of a lazy blogger

January 7, 2007 at 7:55 pm | Posted in Blogging about Blogging, Bringing Home the Bacon | 2 Comments

My first post is up at lesbianfamily.org.

And tomorrow is MY LAST DAY at the Job that Blows. It should be interesting.

That’s all.

Please wipe your feet…

December 31, 2006 at 7:04 am | Posted in Blogging about Blogging, Pass it On (Memes) | 11 Comments

Welcome to my new online home. I moved over to wordpress because I wanted to add categories, and possibly down the road to password protect things.  And also because bloggerbeta drives me nuts.  I’m still playing with themes, so this site might look different next time you stop in.

Since it’s almost 2007 (ack!) I thought I would inaugurate the new site with a look back over the past eleven months of blogging, via a meme that everyone else has already done… the first sentence of each month.  I added my favorite photo from each month, just to be an overachiever. The photos don’t have any relationship to the quotes though.

February: One more voice on the blog-wagon: why should I do it?
Photo: The red shoes.

March: I know from looking at my sitemeter that most of the people who get here are coming via the awesome and all powerful diabetes OC.
Photo: Cuddling Cats

April: For Felix, who commented on my Pet Peeves post:
Photo: Self portrait with daffodils. Although this was pretty significant to us, if short-lived.

May: I had a pretty good weekend. My presentation at the main conference in my field went well. I did not tell everyone I knew at the conference that my wife is five weeks pregnant, although it was very tempting.
Photo: Fertility Shrine

June: Today is blogging for LGBT families day.
Photo: Meet Smokey!

July: A little the worse for wear, but back nonetheless. A warning to the squeamish and to my phobic friends, bodily fluids mentioned below.
Photo: Pili & S.

August: I apologize for leaving that worrisome headline up there for so long.
Photo: Veggie P@rn

September: Just when I was getting ready to go downtown and stage a sit-in at the door of the World’s Slowest Social Worker, aka Mrs. Vaseline Teeth, for not returning our phone calls… what should arrive in the mail yesterday?
Photo: Morning Mist

October: I was inspired out of my blogblahs by Dana’s recent post about forgetting to take her insulin with her.
Photo: Cat & Dossier

November: New Reading Material for the RE’s waiting room?
Photo: Guatebaby

December: I haven’t participated in the Perfect Post awards before, but I saw a button on someone’s blog for them, on the same day that I read this post.
Photo: Holding Hands

Looking back like this reminds me what a crazy, painful and change-filled year it’s been.  I remember when we moved to Small City thinking, I will never do anything this big again (quitting my job to move across the country with Pili, to a city where we knew no one and I had no job prospects).  This year has been so much more tumultuous than that one.  And next year promises yet more change – a new job, the prospect of another possible move, and hopefully, somewhere in there – AFTER THREE YEARS of trying and hoping – a baby, just maybe?

You got here how?

December 28, 2006 at 4:31 pm | Posted in Blogging about Blogging | 9 Comments

Some of the better search strings through which people have found this blog. And my snarky responses.

The “Go Back to School” Awards

  • a sad song about a kids abused – I don’t know why you were looking for this, but you might have more luck if you corrected your grammar.
  • how long does a female butterfly stay pregnant? – I think butterflies lay eggs. See mammals vs. insects for more help.
  • Name of the month of Winter holidays – December.
  • how i gone spend my winter holidays – I don’t know.

The “I’m So Sorry” Awards

  • my retainer keeps giving me sores
  • i ate too much carp

The “Smell Me” Awards

  • why does insulin smell like band aids
  • diabetes smells like alcohol
  • diabetics smell sweet
  • stella smells diabetic

The “I Can’t Even Begin to Imagine” Awards

  • fat baby’s pride BBQ
  • automatic transmission sweet juice
  • “Lichen Planus” vegan – huh?
  • police trouble wearing diapers diaper plastic
  • picture penis elephantitis – ewwwwwww
  • martial arts dojo boobs – This one’s for Jen, Cait, and Mel
  • picture of a biscuit penis – ??????

The “This Blog Will Not Give You Satisfaction” Awards

  • britney spears forgets her underwear – ugh, ugh, ugh.
  • britney spears tax returns – Not here, sorry.
  • Groundhog ailments – The only ailment my groundhogs had was inhabiting my yard. And I cured that.
  • “donor insemination” OR “donor sperm” depression – Your question exactly?
  • ban diabetes marriage – Of course. Because there are no greater problems in the world than diabetics getting married.
  • farting after frozen embryo

The “Did You Really Need to Ask The Internet?” Awards

  • do I need bra under wedding dress? – Well, what kind of dress is it?
  • Are Friday weddings tacky?Do I look like Emily Post?
  • “I want to have a child with you” – Perhaps we can go out for coffee first?
  • what holiday gift can I give my jewish boss – I’d recommend a giant light-up creche myself.
  • should there be carpet in nurse’s office – Damned if I know.
  • its good to chew gum when playing basketball – Is this a question or a statement?
  • what does a pili look like?

And.. the “I Totally Agree” Award

  • oh he’s a gorgeous little boy

Stealth Blogging & Family Venting

December 25, 2006 at 12:34 am | Posted in AdoptThis!, Blogging about Blogging, mishpocheh | 9 Comments

Before I start blathering on: Merry Christmas to all my friends who celebrate Christmas and happy mandatory day off to the rest of us!

I am at my parents’ apt. and every time I get on the computer and start looking at blogs or even thinking about blogging one of them pops up behind me. It’s crazy.

I feel like I’m trying to look at pictures of nekkid ladies when really all I want to do is check in with my bloggy friends without letting my family in on my on-line existence. Not that I have anything big to hide, I just like having some illusion of privacy as I spill my guts to the internet. Yes, I see the irony. But then I got even more freaked out when I went to comment on a blog and discovered that my mother has a blogger login. I almost left a comment as my mom. Eek.

(yes, I am a 31 year old woman, not a squealing teenager, despite the tone of the above)

I am hoping to get some new Guatebaby pictures any day now… hopefully they will not add to my frustration that Nothing. Is. Happening. on our case. Our agency has not yet been able to make it through the line at the U.S. Embassy to get authorization for the DNA test. Apparently, the line is supposed to start at 6am, but since they only take 40 people a day, it actually starts the night before. But if the embassy staff sees that the agency reps have been in line overnight, they won’t let them file the paperwork. Yes, these are our tax dollars at work, my friends.

My parents are so excited about GB, which is fantastic, but also puts more pressure on me to have answers or timelines that I just don’t have. My mother says things like, well I hope he’s home before he’s six months old. As if he will turn into a pumpkin if that’s not the case, which it likely won’t be. She apologized, repeatedly, but her words bring up this old and barely banked anger that deserves a post of its own and that I can’t quite seem to put down again.

It’s anger from when I was a child. Anger that I had diabetes. Anger that I always had to be okay and couldn’t be angry. Anger that I supressed unconsciously, feeling the weight of her need for me to be okay. Feeling like my own emotions had to be smothered in order to protect her fragile equilibrium. Anger at being told – when I said that it scared me when she got depressed, that it reminded me of the very scary times when she was depressed before – that she was fine now and I had no right to be afraid based on those times. Anger, that until a few years and a few million therapy sessions ago, I would have told you I didn’t feel.

And then she says something like this, asks for something I know I am powerless to do, and I feel all that unfelt rage surface like a deep sea diver, gasping for air.

I will post this and then delete the browser history posthaste.

But I need to post this.

p.s. Thank you so so so much for all the kind wishes on finishing! I haven’t heard anything from them saying that they are going to reject it for being three days late… so perhaps all is well?

In which I gaze at my widening virtual navel (& photo friday on sunday)

November 26, 2006 at 2:03 pm | Posted in Blogging about Blogging, mishpocheh, Photo Friday, Ya Gotta Eat | 10 Comments

For me thanksgiving is all about the Food and the Family (F is for… ) We go to my cousin’s house, have a delicious meal (eat way too much – I wish I could do a 48 hour square bolus for thanksgiving) and enjoy seeing relatives I don’t get to see often enough. When I was younger, I found the whole family thing overwhelming and stifling, but I think I’ve mellowed and my family has mellowed as well.

Baked Brie

I made a baked brie (world’s simplest appetizer: take frozen puff pastry sheets, defrost. I was supposed to roll them out but I forgot and it turned out fine. Place wheel of brie in center of frozen puff pastry sheet. Top with canned organic whole berry cranberry sauce or the preserves of your choice. Fold puff pastry sheet around brie. Top with second puff pastry sheet. Brush with egg yolk and milk. Bake on cookie sheet at 400 for 10 minutes and 350 for 30-40 minutes until brown. Listen to your family admire you.)

I also baked two really kick ass pies, which I forgot to photograph before my family demolished them. The pecan pie recipe in particular is mind-blowing. I upped the pecans a bit (two cups) and toasted them lightly. Oh, and I used the Pâte brisée recipe from Joy of Cooking for the crust. Make sure to freeze the butter beforehand, and use ice water and crust-making is Not That Hard.

The F is for Family pictures are friends-only on flickr. Make me a flickr-friend and I will surely reciprocate, unless you’re George Bush.

I hope everyone who celebrates it had a lovely thanksgiving. I enjoy the idea of a holiday for giving thanks. I try to avoid thinking about its nasty imperialist origins and stay away from the pilgrim hats and cartoon native americans. I’m thankful for Pili and for the family we are making together. I’m thankful for my family of origin, who love and support us, and for my family of choice, who sustain us. And, I’m thankful for the internet and for the virtual communities I’ve found on it. Which brings me to my virtual navel gazing (widening thanks to those thanksgiving pies)…

When I first started my blogroll, I thought a fair bit about how I was going to set it up. I deliberately didn’t want to differentiate between people who were coming to parenting through adoption and people who were trying to get pregnant, or who were pregnant.

I didn’t want to differentiate between queer families trying to conceive and non-queer folks who were also trying to get themselves knocked up. I didn’t want to draw a line between new moms (plural) getting frustrated that their kid wasn’t interested in the boob and new moms (singular) getting similarly frustrated. I wanted you to click on a link and maybe have it take you somewhere you wouldn’t go intentionally – but where you might discover an ally you wouldn’t have expected to have. Along the same lines, I haven’t separated out people with type 1 vs. people with type 2 vs. parents of kids with diabetes. By not putting people in boxes, I hoped, as grandiose as it sounds, and it sounds plenty grandiose to me, to help break down the edges of some of those boxes a bit. I’m not sure if that’s worked.

On the other hand, sharing categories has helped me to see what I share with people whom I might otherwise, honestly, have a) never gotten to know, and b) never given a chance, without the shared fact of diabetes or adoption or both to bring us together. And I am (once again) thankful for that.

Oh, and by the way, Andrea has had a bunch of really interesting posts about breaking down boundaries in the blogworld. Read them and realize that she is a far more thoughtful human being and a better writer than I am. Also, I’m linking to every single post because, there doesn’t seem to be a category for these posts. And there should be!

Right now I have blogs on my blogroll that are marked private. This is not because I am deliberately keeping things from you, but mostly because listing them as public would make my blogroll very long and unwieldy – whenever I find a blog that looks interesting, that I might someday want to come back to, I try to subscribe to it. And I also have a number of blogs that I don’t know how to categorize – firstmoms writing about their experiences, friends in real life, cooking blogs, etc. etc. There are um, over 500 blogs on my bloglines account. And no, I don’t read them all every day. I just collect blogs the way some people collect pets or precious moments figurines or shot glasses… Yes, I feel a little sheepish about this.

And by the way, if your blog gives you the option to publish an rss feed – please, please do it. I am just too damn lazy to go in and update my html every time I find a new blog. Much easier to let bloglines do it for me. This is why the wonderful ladies at babycakes are not on my blogroll, damnit.

So the question: should I reorganize? do you want more categories? fewer categories? what do I do with people who fall into multiple categories?

I’m back!

September 30, 2006 at 7:03 pm | Posted in AdoptThis!, Blogging about Blogging | 16 Comments

I’ve been scurrying around the blogosphere, commenting up a storm and trying to catch up with all your various goings-ons.

The retreat was wonderful. It was with other people in my field, but not with my co-workers. There were fantastic presenters, very tasty food, and a beautiful, peaceful setting.

Sideview Alfred's Cabin
Misty Lake
Stream
Morning Mist
Birch

And now I’m home, with my lovely blogosphere and my lovely purring cats and my lovely Pili although she’s grading grading grading at the moment.

Oh yes, and I also have a lovely lovely re-notarized homestudy. On Monday morning I will take a break from Yom Kippuring to take ALL the documents to the county clerk and get them certified.

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